


All the other boys try to chase me

by DesignatedGrape



Category: Schitt's Creek
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, M/M, Meet-Cute, Sibling Banter, except they're on summer break, manual labor as a flirting technique
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-30
Updated: 2021-01-30
Packaged: 2021-03-16 00:47:28
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,410
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/29073549
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/DesignatedGrape/pseuds/DesignatedGrape
Summary: Lawnmower guy is taking a break and stretching his arms out, reaching one hand behind his head, showing off his pecs and revealing just a little bit of toned stomach where his shirt rides up.Yum.She glances over at her brother. Just because David doesn’t want to have any fun, doesn’t mean she can’t.Inspired by the music video for the timeless classic, Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepsen.
Relationships: Patrick Brewer/David Rose
Comments: 77
Kudos: 262





	All the other boys try to chase me

**Author's Note:**

> [schittposting](https://archiveofourown.org/users/schittposting) prompted a boy next door AU based on the [music video](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fWNaR-rxAic) for Call Me Maybe. How could I resist?
> 
> Thanks to [kindofspecificstore](https://archiveofourown.org/users/kindofspecificstore) for the quick beta, to [Poutini](https://archiveofourown.org/users/poutini) for always being a cheerleader, and to [roguebaby](https://archiveofourown.org/users/roguebaby) for the delightfully fratty music suggestions.

Alexis sighs as she stares out the window that overlooks the backyard. This is seriously shaping up to be the worst summer of her life. For one thing, Dad’s stupid business manager messed up all of their finances, so a few months ago they had to sell _all_ of the houses except for the one in L.A., and Dad is so freaked out about it that he won’t let any of them spend like, _any_ money right now. For another thing...

Actually, nope, that’s pretty much it. 

Her freshman year at USC was totally amazing, and she obviously made like, a ton of friends, but now she’s poor and can’t afford to go anywhere or do anything with anyone. Instead, she’s just _stuck_ here all alone. Well, not all alone, but David barely counts, since he’s done nothing but lay around like some big gross baby who wears designer sweaters when it’s eighty degrees. She is dying for literally anything interesting to happen. 

Ooh. Like _that_.

“Oh my god, David! Who is that?”

“Who?” David is sprawled on the couch scrolling through his phone and doesn’t even look up, which, rude.

“Him!” Alexis points out the window.

“Oh my god, can you give me literally _any_ other information, please?”

She rolls her eyes. He would have had more information if he had bothered to tear his eyes away from his screen for like, two seconds to see her very helpful hand gesture. “There’s a little hottie boom body mowing the lawn next door!” She knew that would get him moving. David is across the room and next to her at the window almost as fast as he would have been if she’d told him she had pizza.

“ _Him_? He looks like some hockey player frat bro. He probably listens to Eminem and the Black Eyed Peas unironically.”

The guy is dressed in tight ripped jeans and a white t-shirt that shows off some super yummy biceps, but he’s also wearing a backwards baseball cap and neon green Ray-Bans that are almost definitely knockoffs, so David isn’t _wrong_ , exactly, but…

“He doesn’t need to be like, boyfriend material, David.” She looks out the window again, where the little sexy Susan is taking off his hat to run his fingers through a head of surprisingly luscious curls. “Don’t tell me you wouldn’t let him back you up against the wall and—”

“Okay! I don’t need to hear any more of that from my _sister_.”

“Fine, David. Suit yourself. He probably wouldn’t be interested, anyway, because you’re like, all boring this summer staying inside all the time with your-- your little books and your little sweaters.” She makes a pouty face and gives him two thumbs down, because honestly, he has been _such_ a downer lately.

“Thanks so much.” David makes a squinty face at her and walks back to the couch, flopping down dramatically and picking up his phone again to keep checking for more Instagram likes or whatever he was doing before.

Lawnmower guy is taking a break and stretching his arms out, reaching one hand behind his head, showing off his pecs and revealing just a little bit of toned stomach where his shirt rides up. _Yum._ She glances over at her brother. Just because David doesn’t want to have any fun, doesn’t mean she can’t. She heads to her room to slip into something a little less comfortable.

\----------

David looks up as Alexis leaves the room, and then glances back over at the window. Okay, so maybe wannabe-James Franco circa 2002 wasn’t totally hideous. He thought he’d seen a surprisingly nice ass hiding under those ripped jeans. But David isn’t interested. Definitely not. He just got out of another bad relationship, or whatever it had been with Remi. Could he call it a relationship if they’d only been together for two months? For that matter, could he call it “being together” if Remi never agreed to exclusivity? Whatever. Either way, he’s going to take this summer to have some time for himself. Make a dent in that pile of books on his bedside table. Get some sun while also wearing an appropriate amount of sunscreen so that he doesn’t go back for his senior year of college looking like some old raisin person. Maybe even figure out what the hell he’s going to do after graduation. He doesn’t have time for a fling with some guy who works for the VanHausens.

Alexis flounces back into the room, wearing a flowy blue off the shoulder dress that is so short it could barely be classified as more than a peasant top, and carrying, for some completely unfathomable reason, a _bucket_.

“What are you _doing_?”

Alexis stops short and holds her hands out to the sides indignantly. “ _What_ , David?”

“Are you planning on doing some spring cleaning, or…?”

“Um, no, I was _planning_ on going outside to see if Mr. Teeny-Tiny T-shirt needs any help, or whatever.” She flips her hair over her shoulder.

“And the bucket would be for…”

“Obviously it’s like, a prop, David.”

“Yeah, I don’t think there are a lot of buckets involved in mowing the lawn.”

“Ugh! It’s not like I’m going to be doing any actual work.” She blinks rapidly at him and turns to head out the back door.

David looks back at his phone, fully intending to stay planted right there and let Alexis flirt her way into another date without his supervision. But then again...just because he’s supposed to be taking time for himself this summer, it doesn’t mean he can’t appreciate the view while he’s reading some of those books he’s been meaning to get to. He hops up and grabs the book he’d optimistically brought to the couch with him before he promptly abandoned it, picks up his sunglasses from the side table, and follows Alexis outside.

She’s already made impressive ground towards the VanHausens’ house despite teetering across the expansive lawn in her spike-heeled gladiator sandals, and David drags one of the lounge chairs across the patio so he can have a better line of sight to watch the show.

\----------

“Um, hey!” The guy doesn’t look up at first, so Alexis moves closer, until she knows she’s in his field of vision, and tries again. “Heyyy,” she calls, louder.

He looks up, startled, and pulls out his Airpods. _Oops._ “Hi, sorry, was I bothering you? I know the mower is loud, but I’m pretty much done here.”

“No, definitely not bothering me.” She flutters her eyelashes at him. “I just thought I’d come and see if you maybe needed any help. It just looked like you were working _so hard_.” She takes a step forward and shimmies her shoulders. The guy chuckles and ducks his head, reaching up to rub his hand across the back of his neck, which is totally adorable. “I’m Alexis, by the way.” She holds out her hand, expecting him to pick it up and kiss it like basically every guy she’s ever met, but instead he gives it an awkward little shake.

“Patrick. I’m working for the VanHausens this summer.”

She gasps dramatically. “ _Patrick!_ Such. A cute. Name.” She taps him lightly on the chest with each word, but he doesn’t lean into it, which is a little weird, but he’s probably just shy? Which is totally fine, because Harry Styles was _super_ shy when they were seeing each other in 2015, and if she could get him to come out of his little shell enough to finally break into a solo career, then she can certainly make some progress with this button face with the sexy shoulders.

“So...” she asks, pitching her voice lower and letting her lips pout a little bit, “how can I help you?”

“Uh, I mean, I was just about to wash the cars, and I see you brought your own bucket, so if you really want to help…”

Oh, okay, so he _actually_ wants her to help with manual labor. But all things considered, washing a car isn’t the worst thing to get a guy’s attention? Delta Gamma had a car wash in April to benefit juvenile rhinoplasty, and the Sigma Chi guys were like, _very_ supportive of the cause. 

Patrick holds out a hand to her, and she smiles coyly and links her fingers with his, but he pulls back quickly. “Oh, uh, I was just going to take your bucket and fill it with water.” He jerks a thumb over his shoulder, and Alexis looks past him to the hose that’s coiled up by the side of the garage. _Ew._ She covers up her disgust, though. 

“Oh my god, totally!” She hands him the bucket and watches him walk away. Those jeans are definitely super ugly, but he does have a tight little butt.

Alexis turns to consider the cars in the open garage. If needing to escape from a Saudi prince’s palace taught her anything, it’s that improvising is good, but planning is even better. Maybe she’ll just “accidentally” splash a little water at Patrick and he’ll have to take his shirt off. Maybe she’ll make sure to wash the hood of the car herself so that she can innocently bend over it. She’ll _definitely_ try to convince Patrick to wash that little silver convertible first. It’s the one that matches her outfit the best.

Plan settled, she looks back to where Patrick is supposed to be filling up the bucket, but he’s totally not paying attention, staring past Alexis at the Roses’ backyard, mouth agape, the bucket overflowing at his feet. She turns to see what could possibly have gotten him so distracted, and she rolls her eyes.

Of course.

\----------

David lounges in the sun for approximately four minutes before the July heat wins out over his frankly impeccable fashion sense. He admits defeat and gingerly takes off his Neil Barrett, and he must have gotten really glowy—he was absolutely not _sweating—_ because his black t-shirt rides way up to his chest and he has to tug it down. Luckily, off-brand Ryan Lochte has been fully occupied with Alexis since she hobbled over there, so he almost definitely didn’t see the overgrown pelt that David hasn’t gotten around to having thinned out again since he got home from NYU last month.

He settles back onto the lounge chair, stretching one arm up to rest his hand behind his head, and flips open A Rare Sophistication, which it honestly feels like he’s been reading for a year already without making any progress. He tries to get lost in the story, but he keeps sneaking glances at Patrick and Alexis, who are now actually _washing_ a _car_. He watches for a minute, and Alexis is definitely flirting, reaching out for little touches and leaning into the guy’s space, but she’s not being nearly as obvious as she usually is. David expected that she would have “accidentally” splashed water on the guy to get him to take his shirt off by now. There’s still time for that, though, so hopefully that’s part of her plan. David certainly wouldn’t complain.

He shakes his head and doubles down on reading his book, and he’s finally starting to make some progress when the page is suddenly in shadow. He looks up, squinting against the sun, and is met with the image of hot frat bro, backlit by the golden glow of the setting sun behind him. He’s taken off his hat and sunglasses, and his messy curls create a chaotic silhouette that David feels an almost uncontrollable urge to run his hands through.

“Can I help you?” he asks, shielding his eyes against the glare.

The guy smiles bashfully and shoves his hands deep into his pockets like he’s searching for a long-lost box of Tic Tacs. Not that he’d be able to actually fit a box of Tic Tacs into those tight jeans; it must be some engineering miracle that he was somehow able to get his hands in there.

“I just wanted to introduce myself. I’m Patrick. I’m working for the VanHausens this summer.”

“Hi. David. I live here.” He waves vaguely above his own head, indicating the house behind him. Patrick laughs warmly, and the sound lights up something inside David that he tamps down immediately. He is _not_ doing this to himself. “Was there something else?”

“I, uh, yeah.” Patrick pulls one hand out of its pocket, and a small folded paper is pinched between his index and middle fingers. He holds it out to David, who takes it gingerly. One can never be too careful accepting something from a person who probably uses an unconscionable amount of Axe body spray. Or any amount of Axe body spray.

He unfolds the paper.

David looks up sharply at Patrick, and then whips his head over to Alexis, still standing near the VanHausens’ garage, giving him an exaggerated “okay” sign. He makes a face at her and glances back to Patrick, who has returned his hand safely to its home in his jeans pocket.

“Um, I was hoping you would call me sometime. Or text. Whatever.” He shrugs self-consciously.

David sighs and sets his book down on his lap. “Look, Patrick, you seem great”—Patrick’s face falls, but David pushes on—”but I’m going back to New York next month, and I’m probably going to stay there after graduation, so this—" he gestures between them "—isn’t going to happen.”

Patrick’s smile is back, except this time it’s more of a smirk, and David should _not_ find that so hot, but damn. “Where do you go to school?” Patrick’s lips ask.

“NYU. I’m a visual arts major.”

“Cool. I go to Columbia. Business management.”

David drags his gaze up and is assaulted by Patrick’s sparkling brown eyes. He clears his throat. “You, uh, you go to school in New York?”

“Yup,” Patrick says, popping the “p”. “So. I guess I’ll see you around.” He reaches down to pluck the paper with his number out of David’s fingers, but David quickly pulls his hand back; Patrick, gratifyingly, chases the paper so that he’s leaning so far into David’s space that he has to steady himself against the back of David’s chair, effectively bracketing David in with one unfairly attractive forearm.

“I’ll just hold onto this, I think,” David says, grinning.

“Oh, yeah?” Patrick asks, staring at David’s mouth. “So you’ll call?”

David quirks an eyebrow playfully. “Maybe.”

**Author's Note:**

> I'm on [tumblr](https://designatedgrape.tumblr.com/).


End file.
